More so now than ever I have observed myself transitioning into the person I want to be. I have never been very good at being proactive when it comes to one very specific aspect of my life. That is the social part.
Not that I am an anti-social person per-say, but I have a hard time putting a great amount of effort into the relationships that are not surrounding me on a daily basis. I am notorious for not answering text messages, calling people back and following through on those “It was so nice bumping into you! We should totally get together sometime!” moments. This is one of my faults.
There are several people in my life who are so good at keeping it together. I rely on them for keeping me in touch with the world. I envy them. As I get older though, I enter into different phases of my life with new environments and people who become friends–friends that I want to keep in touch with for the rest of my life. And as I get older, my family is getting older too, and time spent with them is more valuable now then ever. I can’t rely on other people to plan events that will help me stay connected with the people I love. I need to start doing this for myself. I would hate to feel like I missed out on the offerings of a relationship because of a tragic “life’s too short” event.
But I was a natural born procrastinator. I find comfort in sitting around doing nothing rather than stepping out of my comfort zone to reach out to my friends and family. Unless I had a few weeks heads-up about plans to mentally prepare myself for what?…I don’t even know! I was a serious “no” girl. That or I would never follow up on pre-arranged plans in hopes that the other person would forget and the plans would just go away.
I have no idea what has sparked in me lately. Maybe it is the fact that I am watching all of my university friends disperse themselves around the world. Maybe it is the loneliness I have been experiencing since living alone. Or maybe it is all of the loved ones I have seen my friends loose over the past 5 years now catching up with me… but lately, I am a serious “yes” girl. You can call me the Queen of last minute plans, late nights, and lots of travel.
Of course I am exhausted. I am going to bed late and waking up early. Working all day and running around all night. Being able to share my experiences with people, people I am keeping in touch with, is the perfect distraction from my fatigue. And I am happy. Every morning I wake up happy to have seen my friends or family the day before. Were they always this much fun and I just couldn’t see it? Was I too concerned with retreating to my comfy bed behind my less interesting computer? Why does going out cause me so much anxiety?
Everyday I make a conscious effort to let go of my laziness, anxiety and fatigue, and everyday it pays off for me. I appreciate those days that I have “off” more now too. Sleeping in but not all day so I can go get my nails done or go to the market or read a book.
I guess my point is I like the person I am becoming. I want to write down and remember what I do and how I feel every single day. I don’t know what life is going to be like when I am 50 but I know what it is like to be happy at 22 so I mine as well take it in and document every bit of it now.